Windsormaker Cup : April 2014

#1 – "Stale Beer"

As the sun rises, practice hacks taken and the practice green comes alive with jive talk, the first hole greets golfers at SGC. Shake off the Ryder Cup nerves and ignore the second ball in your pocket. No breakfast balls allowed as your day starts with this daunting 327 yard par 4. Lined on the left side with large native white pines, bail out right and your ball can be found bouncing down Highway H towards Hayward. Your second shot into this back to front sloped green is surrounded by thinly lined bunkers waiting to gobble up your third (and most likely fourth) shot. Escape with a par, hope you aren’t already down one and make your way to the second tee box.

#2 – "Hosel Rocket"

Golfers roll up to this tee box, light a cig, put in a chew, or take a snort of blow while contemplating a myriad of options. This unassuming par 3 can be deceiving off the tee. Listed at 153 yards, golfers with higher trajectory shots can find themselves struggling between a smooth 8 versus a hard 9 when considering the swirling winds coming off the west coast of Spooner Lake. Other golfers with lower trajectory ball flights must navigate the treacherous bunkers short and left of this flat round (much like the women picked up at local watering holes) green. All golfers however are trying to select a club that won’t cause a shank right into the woods.

Note:
#2 marks the first closest to the pin contest where most groups look at the marker on the green, read the name and say "No effin’ way".

#3 – "Snowman"

The newly renovated pond left of the fairway has caused many headaches in years past. The prudent decision here would be play a shot of 225 off the tee in hopes of laying yourself up inside 150 yards for your third shot. However, "low handicap" golfers continue to believe this green is reachable in two until they find themselves c-blocked right in jail with no other option than to punch out into the fairway. This green plays much flatter than advertised, but still won’t stop an occasional three or four putt.

#4 – "Short but Fat"

The yardage only reads 135, but don’t leave it short. Trouble surrounds the undulating green complex where high faced bunkers lurk. Find yourself going long of this green and you might wander into a bubble bath filled to the brim with man meat. Don’t get fancy and play to the center of the green. Birdie isn’t uncommon so act like you’ve been there before.

#5 – "PVC’s Playground"

Known for the location of the world famous Eric Missinne 210 yard 8 iron, hole 5 presents a wide open landing area off the tee. However, many golfers find themselves wandering well right of the fairway in hopes of catching a glimpse of local scarlet Mary Hanson watering her garden. After day dreaming of watering her flower, golfers then face a steep uphill shot into a firm and fast green. Par always feels like a birdie, unless your competitor makes birdie in which case you just lost a hole for your team.

#6 – "Drain the Snake"

Known to provide early round fireworks, this mid-range par 3 of 167 yards rewards the well struck iron shot. Pay close attention to the wind as your approach shot is heavily guarded by a bunker and cart path left along with an inviting pool of blue right. With one of widest greens at SGC, this subtle two-tiered monster begs for a three wiggle.

Note:
The fairway at number six was recently named largest par 3 fairway in WI. We ask that the local women’s league and bottom six drafted golfers please replace their fairway divots.

#7 – "Prison Shower"
With the removal of trees on the right side of the fairway, the par 4 seventh hole is wide open for all shapes of drives. However, golfers will find cedar and jack pines guarding the left side and water up the right. With only a short iron in hand, another uphill second shot sits between a golfer and a potential birdie and skin money. But don’t let your guard down. Much like a prison shower, let your guard down and you are in a world of hurt.

#8 – "Cialis"

Looking out from the tee box, the two fairway bunkers spelling out "ED" remind golfers of their impending erectile dysfunction. Other players are reminded by the fingers on the left side bunker of a movie theater date in which our curiosity of the woman’s anatomy was answered. In any case, grip it and rip it as a three on the scorecard is never in doubt. Neither is an 8, 9 or 10.

Golfers are reminded to use caution on the 8
th tee as Dave Lindstrom may be teeing off from the 11th hole.

#9 – "Tin Cup"

Have another drink, or head home early? Pay for the private room dance, or settle for the mundane pole dance? Go for the green, or lay up? All these questions swirl around in your head when standing on the 9
th teeing ground. Laying up provides early insight into what club a player might use for 1-2-9 later in the day. For other golfers, make sure to pull the right stick because the large pool short left, bunkers covering short right and a large OB cart park staring into your soul long left. Good luck making your putt on this relatively easy green as many players experience as early morning bout of booze shakes.

#10 – "Grease Fingers"

As you stick your peg in the ground and take a few practice swings, you are trying to figure out how to get the burger grease off your hands before swinging way too hard off the 10
th tee. Go left and you find yourself in jail with nothing but a layup shot. Go right and you most likely will run into a fellow teammate playing the eight hole to discuss who the early candidates are for blacking out on the back nine. Caution when hitting your approach shot into this green. Go long and let’s face it, you’re fucked.

#11 – "Brass Balls"

Shaped like a chronic masturbator’s dink, the 11th hole provides challenges for all types of tee shots. If laying up, make sure to error on the long side to give yourself the best approach angle. Going for the green is an option, but requires a high level of fortitude to pull off the shot. Steer clear of the bunker short left and you will leave yourself with a straighter putt than you might anticipate.

#12 – "Shitter’s Full"

Keep right as OB lines the entire left side of this 339 yard par 4. Miss right and you might find yourself huffing in the fumes of a fresh chew induced morning poo wafting from the shit house. When hitting your approach shot, error on the short side as over the green is dead. Miss to the right of this elevated green and you better be ready to pull out the Mickleson flop shot. Judging from swings I’ve seen at the Ryder Cup (coupled with a BAC starting to reach 0.2), good luck.

#13 – "Blind Hope"

A momentum changer in many matches, swing away on this par 5 as a generous landing area awaits. With your second shot somewhere between 190-250 yards, stats tell us 2-3% can pull this shot off to cover a small pond and bunker nestled in front of the green. This will hinder very few. If you lay up, it was most likely done by accident. Take advantage of the downhill approach with only a wedge in hand into a wide green. Stats tell us 4-5% can pull off this shot to cover a small pond and bunker nestled in front of the green.

#14 – "How ‘Bout a Beer"

Dormie yet? The final stretch of holes begins with an unassuming par 4. If you’re going to miss, miss big. There is plenty of trouble off the tee as small trees line both sides of the fairway waiting to give you the shittiest little hack as possible. The inviting flat green has seen its fair share of bombs drained. Just try to keep your composure and shakes to a minimum as the booze cart loaded with cold beer and strong cocktails is parked between the 14
th green and 15th tee.

#15 – "Hit it to a Dick"

The phrase coined by Northland College’s Tony Schmidt (Single season PIM record holder) perfectly explains what a golfer is faced with looking out over the 15
th hole. Heavily protected by bunkers on both the left and right, this par 3 requires a precise tee shot. Magnified by the pressure of the Ryder Cup now inevitably weighing down on each player’s shoulders, every mistake becomes that much bigger. Chips turn into chili-dips and 3 putts turn into putter throws.

Note:
Tony Schmidt will be signing memorabilia after the first 18 holes of this year’s Ryder Cup. Details can be found throughout the clubhouse.

#16 – "Man Hole"

The 16
th hole is a man’s hole. Not a butthole, just a really tough hole. The tall trees right always coax balls in like a seasoned prostitute causing many great rounds to be wrecked. However, bail out left and you have no idea what type of lie you might get along the hardpan rough. Once in the fairway, a player will find himself with a mid to long iron in hand. Play to the center of the green and get out with a par.

#17 – "CBC"

If your Ryder Cup match isn’t over yet, you wish it was. The par 3 17
th hole has been known to cause a heart attack or two and sometimes even a pair of shitty shorts (that may have been caused by McDonald’s breakfast though).. Between avoiding the hosel of your golf club and a random car horn that may catch an occasional golfer, survival is key. Take on this green from 200 yards and you might see a bouncing ball down Hwy H. Most just make a play down to cry baby corner and struggle for a 3. A four just might get you one back going into 18.

#18 – "Night Cap"

The number of sober swings taken on this hole can be counted with one hand. No matter where you put your tee ball, most guys will find themselves trying to pull off a shot much too hard for their ability. With galleries waiting by the green, many will find a way to put at least one shot into the drink. Just hope you aren’t the one standing over a put with the Cup on the line.

The Ryder Cup squads that already have worked out Eden Prairie’s Jordan Iverson are learning they've got a bit of an edge over those who haven't. Because the ones who haven't reportedly won't get one at all. And at least one Skip isn't happy about it.

Iverson has decided not to do any more private workouts leading up the 2014 Ryder Cup Draft, and the liver injury suffered in a four day bender by Mankato Drinking Force Dustin Sheehy is the apparent reason. According to Blaeser at RCSPOONER Blogspot both skips have been informed Iverson won't work out privately any more. The publication reached the two skips for reaction, one of whom "took exception" to the decision.

Iverson will continue tindering and doing taxes.

"I'd want the guy who's going to be with him on the second 18 feeding him double windsors, and see how he responds," said one captain.

One disgruntled skip, however, doesn't necessarily make for impact on the draft status of this year's top newcomer prize. He was chasing boilers in England last year and is now is reestablishing himself into the Ryder Cup brotherhood. Keep in mind, the Affliction Dragons, were at Iverson's impressive bachelor party performance in Wisconsin Dells during 2012. Ryder Cup analyst Blaeser, has Iverson going to Lehmann with the 7^th pick in his most recent mock draft and Blaeser believes Blake picking him, with the No. 12 overall pick, is the worst-case scenario for Iverson.

If anything causes Iverson to slide at the top tier of the draft farther than experts expect, questions around the fallout of his relationship with Brandon Nowak are more likely to be the reason than his failure to go through enough rumplemize shot taking speficific drills. But make no mistake: Iverson will be drafted awfully high.

The real question surrounding Iverson's decision to shut down private workouts is whether any top players in this draft class follows suit. Iverson is as big a name as there is in this draft, and for him to set such an example can't help but trigger at least a little consideration in the minds of agents representing some of the draft's other elite drinkers. Projected second tier draft picks wouldn't figure to have much of a choice, because they can help themselves more significantly by impressing a skip in a late night drinking session.

But how much can a guy like Ryan Hawkins -- who is a former teammate of Jordan Iverson-- help himself at this point?

If he's regarded as a top-five brah by the Skips the way he is by the analysts, probably not too much.

http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/eye-on-football/24526229/report-jadeveon-clowney-done-working-out-for-nfl-teams

Windsormaker Cup

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

2014 Ryder Cup Draft Thread

Hole by Hole Breakdown by BFO

Monday, April 28, 2014

DRAFT TOMORROW NIGHT (4/29) @ 8PM!

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Get Your Practice Rounds Scheduled!

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

SGC Course Conditions

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Jordan Iverson Done Working Out for Ryder Cup Teams

2014 Ryder Cup Draft